So I've been told lately (today) that I'm not really a pure person, or a good listener, also that I'm bit aggressive and harsh and that I really have a very big ego. Unfortunately I'll have to agree with the last 3 points. A total agreement, if you ask me. I'm a very harsh person when I'm pissed off and I tend to be very aggressive. And it is true that my ego is very huge, I barely apologize. I'm also not the purest person you'll ever meet, I don't really forgive people and when I get angry I hurt a lot. And honestly I'm not sure if I'm a good listener or not, I won't lie to you about it. But I'm sure about one thing, which is that I don't fool people, I think I make it clear from the start when I meet anyone that I'm not the cute person they think I am.
Honesty is a virtue. I appreciate it very much, even if you think that what you say pisses me off or that I don't like or don't agree with what you are trying to prove. Even if you think that I don't accept feedback, trying to make me or others become better people will be appreciated, if not at the same moment then at some point in the future. I tend to be close only to those who are honest, even if it hurts, because after all I'm sure that they won't lie to me. I hate it when people lie. It makes me feel that I wasn't worth the truth, and nothing pisses me off more than knowing that I'm not worth something. My honest friends are the closest to my heart, because they have the courage and they are not scared to tell me what they really think of me, also because I tend to believe that they don't say shit about me behind my back, since they get the chance to talk to me personally. Having honest friends is one of the biggest gifts God can give you.
So, I see you asking about my smile and about my positive vibe. No, I don't fake smiling and I'm not trying to lie to anyone. I do really smile a lot because I'm happy and I do really think that life is beautiful and that we need more positive vibe, love, laughter and acceptance, but I'm not perfect. One cannot be positive all the time, but what one can do is be positive most of the time, which is what I've done, and if you ask me, I'm very proud of myself.
I'm not writing this blog post to make excuses and I'm not going to talk about the good things in me. I'm writing it not only because I'm trying to regard a lot of things from the perspective of others but because I'm trying to encourage myself as well as others to be open about our flaws. No need to be embarrassed, we are not perfect, no need to pretend that we are. I will be completely honest, it's not easy, and so far the improvement I see in my personality is very little.. but again I'm trying which is obviously a positive thing. And I definitely think that we start being better people when we understand ourselves, when we see our mistakes and our flaws and when we get introduced to our strengths.
And to the two people who talked to me today, and perhaps didn't get a positive attitude in return, S.K. and I.K. you guys make me look good, even if you think that I'm pissed off. You are doing a super job, thank you, you are truly appreciated :)
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