I spent some time in front of my mirror trying to figure out what I was going to wear and trying to look good. I decided to wear my new light torn pair of jeans and my brown t-shirt. I was going to the cinema with my friends and all excited and happy since I'm on vacation and this is summer and stuff. I decided earlier to look all summery and happy, therefore put my yellow nail polish on, the one that makes me in a very good mood every time I look at my fingers. I looked one more time at myself before leaving the house, "God, I still look like a 15 year old girl, mesh ma32ool" I told myself but then smiled, knowing that in 20 or 30 years this is going to be one hell of a privilege.
Earlier this year I found out that if I put the emsho-men-odamy-ya-welad-el-kalb-expression on my face the amount of sexual harassment will decrease, little did I know that today was going to be an exception.
I reached the metro station and as I was waiting a man came and decided to stand next to me. 3ady. After a few seconds I realized that the girls next to me were laughing, I turned around and found out that "apparently" he had been staring at me and smiling or something (God knows what he was doing), which was obviously funny for the girls next to me. Next thing I knew he was talking dirty about me to two men who were fixing something. I heard them laughing, saying something about my breasts and how awesome the view must be. I tried to ignore it. Tell you the truth, didn't feel like ruining my mood, after all he's just one of those bastards who are 3ala ra2y omy "kano 5adamin 3andena". But who am I kidding? I'm May Seoud, I do not shut up, I do not know how to shut up.
As soon as the metro arrived I got into it as fast as I could and then immediately gave the man the finger. He stared at me not believing that I actually did this and then said something, that I can't remember at this very moment, which pissed me real off and made me call him "5awal". Before I could realize anything, I had Pepsi all over me, apparently the bastard threw Pepsi at me, what do you think happened next? No I didn't stop, this was going too far, and stopping now would give him the satisfaction he wants, would make him feel in control of the situation and would definitely make him feel powerful, and I couldn't let this happen. I cursed more, called him 5awal, 7aywan and wese5, he screamed at me saying "7atla3 adba7ek" and this time, threw his Pepsi can at me. Unfortunately or luckily, not quite sure, the doors closed and I was standing there humiliated and shocked. I didn't see this coming, what the fuck just happened?
I suddenly found myself talking to people about sexual harassment while shaking, explaining why it happens, telling them that we shouldn't shut up, that it's our right to be treated equally, and to my surprise the majority supported me, saying things like "walahy enty gad3a" "enty sa7" "lazem kolena ne3mel zayek" "da law kan tele3 kona ata3nah" and that's when I started crying.
I could't control my self. I cried because not a single man asked him to stop. I cried because he was not only wese5 but also bege7. I cried because a woman told me that I'm a beautiful girl and that's why I should cover myself, and I cried because another told me that the man only did that because I pissed him off. Because yeah, totally, he didn't piss me off. Because yeah totally, talking dirty to me is definitely not worth being pissed off.
I BBMed a male relative asking him to get me an electric shocker, this is the first time I consider carrying something like that and also the first time I consider getting a car, because apparently this is not the best time for thinking about the environment or the taking-the-metro-definitely-can-solve-the-traffic-problem-concept.
I think something is definitely wrong when a 7 year old boy offers me "3 geneh 3ashan bas yeda5alo". I think something is definitely wrong when I only feel safe when a man walks the streets with me. I think something is definitely wrong when a man talks dirty to me and finds it weird when I insult him. Something must be wrong.. and we have to change that.
5/25/2012
5/24/2012
May Is Back, Back Again. May Is Back, Tell A Friend. May Is Back, May Is Back.
Dear readers, this is going to be long.
The last two weeks probably taught me more than the last three years or something, I'll tell you why and how, just be patient and listen to my stories.
So basically, I've just found out that the biggest problem we face in Egypt is not procrastination, it's also not the traffic, and it is not the lazy people who do not want to work, and it is not the pollution. Our biggest problem, dear readers is.. *drum roll* double standards. You'd laugh if it's a joke about the Jews and you'd think that Hitler is awesome but if the joke is about Muslims and the Arabs dying in *insert the name of any country* you'll tweet and curse and hate and everything. If the niquabi women in front of you is being discriminated against, you'll laugh and blame her, but if the Christian women you know faced any problem you'll start complaining about how minorities don't have rights in Egypt. It's totally okay to say that the west is a bunch of "kafara" but it's totally unfair and oh-my-God-what-do-they-know if they say that we are a bunch of "gahala". It's okay if your son has a girlfriend but it's a catastrophe if your daughter is in love. It's okay if a man has an affair because "el ragel may3eboosh 7aga" but a woman is whore if she has an affair although and also ironically God doesn't know or accept double standards. In front of him we are all equal, our skin color, our religion or our sex is never an excuse. Double standards guys, double standards. And you know what is worse than double standards? Saying that double standards are funny.Because no, they are not.
Apparently people do not grow up when they get older. Turns out, growing up has nothing to do with age and it also does not necessarily depend on what one went through, it depends more on how people regard things and on how they behave. You can be a 10 year old boy and more responsible than a 30 year old man. You can be a 19 year old girl who is now supporting her family financially and you can be a 19 year old girl who still depends on her parents and asks them to solve her problems for her. You can be a lot of things and you can be nothing at all, it just depends on what you want to think about before you fall asleep.
It's kinda funny that a lot of people who go through a lot of shit tend to believe that they are the only ones who go through shit. Contrary to everyone's beliefs everyone goes through a lot of shit. Even if they don't look like the kind of people who go through shit, believe it or not, you might be a privileged bitch compared to her or him. So basically let's stop judging and let's stop giving excuses. I don't know what you went through, it must be real bad though, because I have a lot of problems, too. So I understand. But then again, I control myself and I don't go all psycho over people's asses and that's why I'm going to expect you to behave. Not going to give you any excuses.
Turns out, I'm the kind of person who does not just give second chances or third chances or even fourth, I give *insert any big number* chances. I have no idea why though. I tried to analyze this situation and some others as well. It might be the need, the love, the care, the memories you do not want to waste or the 3ashan-mafish-7al-tany. I seriously am not sure. Or maybe it is the blood that runs in my veins.
They say being with a smart and talented man is a blessing but being with a man who does not know it, is a miracle.Bullshit. They've told me not to show him how great he is because he might just leave. Bullshit. The man I love is a very talented and smart man. He is great beyond imagination. He forgives and gives a lot of chances. He helps others and is always there to listen to them even if he needs someone to listen to him. He makes people laugh and he tries his best to make them feel better. He deserves to know how great he is, this is the least I can do.
There's a huge difference between being strict and between being crazy. A lot warned me, told me she's crazy and too-strict-to-be-true. I take risks, a lot of them. I went and took the course. People would ask me if I'm okay and if I was going to pass this course. Their questions didn't make any sense, I would tell them that she's normal, just like the professors who taught me at school, except that she's Egyptian. Turns out she's half German. It all made sense the minute she told us. But hell yeah, this kept me wondering. So, punctual people are crazy? El nas eli bet3mel sho3'alaha be zemma, are crazy? WOW Egyptians, no wonder we are like that.
Holland and Obama won the elections with not more than 53% which means that about 47% were against them. They do have midan Tahrir, too btw. Okay, they do not call it midan Tahrir, but you should get my point. The only thing they have and we don't is respect. They respect the opinion of the majority because this is democracy. This is the democracy we want, and this is the democracy people died for. Mel a5er yaany, those who are like "midan el ta7rir mawgood law el ra2is el gedid mesh 3agbna" etleho 3ala 3'aba2ko, ana mesh 3agbny 7agat ketir, bas ana mesh 7amashy 80 million 3ala mazagy, 3ashan el 80 million aslan layomken yetef2o 3ala 7aga wa7da.
Sexual harassment still pisses me off every time I read about it or every time I witness something. I'm not getting used to it, and I'm not planning to get used to it. Starting from the lady who was driving her car in front of me and was sexually harassed by three men sitting in the bus in front of her, ah walahy, giving her the finger and doing inappropriate gestures while laughing, to the guy who got into the metro that is supposed to be for women only and totally pretended that I wasn't talking when I asked him to leave, and then started laughing and making fun of me. Also the girl who kept smiling and was trying to hide her face when I started talking about sexual harassment and the unveiled lady who told me "matza3a2ish lel walad madam ma3amlekish 7aga" talking about the guy who was making fun of me, which made me ask myself, howa ana isA lazem astana sa3ato lama ye3mel 7aga 3ashan atkalm? 7ad 3'ery faker e3lan el wekaya 5ayron men al 3elag?
See, I did not lie, honest people are the best. I told you this was going to be long. Hope you've enjoyed it though, kisses.
The last two weeks probably taught me more than the last three years or something, I'll tell you why and how, just be patient and listen to my stories.
So basically, I've just found out that the biggest problem we face in Egypt is not procrastination, it's also not the traffic, and it is not the lazy people who do not want to work, and it is not the pollution. Our biggest problem, dear readers is.. *drum roll* double standards. You'd laugh if it's a joke about the Jews and you'd think that Hitler is awesome but if the joke is about Muslims and the Arabs dying in *insert the name of any country* you'll tweet and curse and hate and everything. If the niquabi women in front of you is being discriminated against, you'll laugh and blame her, but if the Christian women you know faced any problem you'll start complaining about how minorities don't have rights in Egypt. It's totally okay to say that the west is a bunch of "kafara" but it's totally unfair and oh-my-God-what-do-they-know if they say that we are a bunch of "gahala". It's okay if your son has a girlfriend but it's a catastrophe if your daughter is in love. It's okay if a man has an affair because "el ragel may3eboosh 7aga" but a woman is whore if she has an affair although and also ironically God doesn't know or accept double standards. In front of him we are all equal, our skin color, our religion or our sex is never an excuse. Double standards guys, double standards. And you know what is worse than double standards? Saying that double standards are funny.Because no, they are not.
Apparently people do not grow up when they get older. Turns out, growing up has nothing to do with age and it also does not necessarily depend on what one went through, it depends more on how people regard things and on how they behave. You can be a 10 year old boy and more responsible than a 30 year old man. You can be a 19 year old girl who is now supporting her family financially and you can be a 19 year old girl who still depends on her parents and asks them to solve her problems for her. You can be a lot of things and you can be nothing at all, it just depends on what you want to think about before you fall asleep.
It's kinda funny that a lot of people who go through a lot of shit tend to believe that they are the only ones who go through shit. Contrary to everyone's beliefs everyone goes through a lot of shit. Even if they don't look like the kind of people who go through shit, believe it or not, you might be a privileged bitch compared to her or him. So basically let's stop judging and let's stop giving excuses. I don't know what you went through, it must be real bad though, because I have a lot of problems, too. So I understand. But then again, I control myself and I don't go all psycho over people's asses and that's why I'm going to expect you to behave. Not going to give you any excuses.
Turns out, I'm the kind of person who does not just give second chances or third chances or even fourth, I give *insert any big number* chances. I have no idea why though. I tried to analyze this situation and some others as well. It might be the need, the love, the care, the memories you do not want to waste or the 3ashan-mafish-7al-tany. I seriously am not sure. Or maybe it is the blood that runs in my veins.
They say being with a smart and talented man is a blessing but being with a man who does not know it, is a miracle.Bullshit. They've told me not to show him how great he is because he might just leave. Bullshit. The man I love is a very talented and smart man. He is great beyond imagination. He forgives and gives a lot of chances. He helps others and is always there to listen to them even if he needs someone to listen to him. He makes people laugh and he tries his best to make them feel better. He deserves to know how great he is, this is the least I can do.
There's a huge difference between being strict and between being crazy. A lot warned me, told me she's crazy and too-strict-to-be-true. I take risks, a lot of them. I went and took the course. People would ask me if I'm okay and if I was going to pass this course. Their questions didn't make any sense, I would tell them that she's normal, just like the professors who taught me at school, except that she's Egyptian. Turns out she's half German. It all made sense the minute she told us. But hell yeah, this kept me wondering. So, punctual people are crazy? El nas eli bet3mel sho3'alaha be zemma, are crazy? WOW Egyptians, no wonder we are like that.
Holland and Obama won the elections with not more than 53% which means that about 47% were against them. They do have midan Tahrir, too btw. Okay, they do not call it midan Tahrir, but you should get my point. The only thing they have and we don't is respect. They respect the opinion of the majority because this is democracy. This is the democracy we want, and this is the democracy people died for. Mel a5er yaany, those who are like "midan el ta7rir mawgood law el ra2is el gedid mesh 3agbna" etleho 3ala 3'aba2ko, ana mesh 3agbny 7agat ketir, bas ana mesh 7amashy 80 million 3ala mazagy, 3ashan el 80 million aslan layomken yetef2o 3ala 7aga wa7da.
Sexual harassment still pisses me off every time I read about it or every time I witness something. I'm not getting used to it, and I'm not planning to get used to it. Starting from the lady who was driving her car in front of me and was sexually harassed by three men sitting in the bus in front of her, ah walahy, giving her the finger and doing inappropriate gestures while laughing, to the guy who got into the metro that is supposed to be for women only and totally pretended that I wasn't talking when I asked him to leave, and then started laughing and making fun of me. Also the girl who kept smiling and was trying to hide her face when I started talking about sexual harassment and the unveiled lady who told me "matza3a2ish lel walad madam ma3amlekish 7aga" talking about the guy who was making fun of me, which made me ask myself, howa ana isA lazem astana sa3ato lama ye3mel 7aga 3ashan atkalm? 7ad 3'ery faker e3lan el wekaya 5ayron men al 3elag?
See, I did not lie, honest people are the best. I told you this was going to be long. Hope you've enjoyed it though, kisses.
5/15/2012
To The People Who Try To Make Me A Better Person
So I've been told lately (today) that I'm not really a pure person, or a good listener, also that I'm bit aggressive and harsh and that I really have a very big ego. Unfortunately I'll have to agree with the last 3 points. A total agreement, if you ask me. I'm a very harsh person when I'm pissed off and I tend to be very aggressive. And it is true that my ego is very huge, I barely apologize. I'm also not the purest person you'll ever meet, I don't really forgive people and when I get angry I hurt a lot. And honestly I'm not sure if I'm a good listener or not, I won't lie to you about it. But I'm sure about one thing, which is that I don't fool people, I think I make it clear from the start when I meet anyone that I'm not the cute person they think I am.
Honesty is a virtue. I appreciate it very much, even if you think that what you say pisses me off or that I don't like or don't agree with what you are trying to prove. Even if you think that I don't accept feedback, trying to make me or others become better people will be appreciated, if not at the same moment then at some point in the future. I tend to be close only to those who are honest, even if it hurts, because after all I'm sure that they won't lie to me. I hate it when people lie. It makes me feel that I wasn't worth the truth, and nothing pisses me off more than knowing that I'm not worth something. My honest friends are the closest to my heart, because they have the courage and they are not scared to tell me what they really think of me, also because I tend to believe that they don't say shit about me behind my back, since they get the chance to talk to me personally. Having honest friends is one of the biggest gifts God can give you.
So, I see you asking about my smile and about my positive vibe. No, I don't fake smiling and I'm not trying to lie to anyone. I do really smile a lot because I'm happy and I do really think that life is beautiful and that we need more positive vibe, love, laughter and acceptance, but I'm not perfect. One cannot be positive all the time, but what one can do is be positive most of the time, which is what I've done, and if you ask me, I'm very proud of myself.
I'm not writing this blog post to make excuses and I'm not going to talk about the good things in me. I'm writing it not only because I'm trying to regard a lot of things from the perspective of others but because I'm trying to encourage myself as well as others to be open about our flaws. No need to be embarrassed, we are not perfect, no need to pretend that we are. I will be completely honest, it's not easy, and so far the improvement I see in my personality is very little.. but again I'm trying which is obviously a positive thing. And I definitely think that we start being better people when we understand ourselves, when we see our mistakes and our flaws and when we get introduced to our strengths.
And to the two people who talked to me today, and perhaps didn't get a positive attitude in return, S.K. and I.K. you guys make me look good, even if you think that I'm pissed off. You are doing a super job, thank you, you are truly appreciated :)
Honesty is a virtue. I appreciate it very much, even if you think that what you say pisses me off or that I don't like or don't agree with what you are trying to prove. Even if you think that I don't accept feedback, trying to make me or others become better people will be appreciated, if not at the same moment then at some point in the future. I tend to be close only to those who are honest, even if it hurts, because after all I'm sure that they won't lie to me. I hate it when people lie. It makes me feel that I wasn't worth the truth, and nothing pisses me off more than knowing that I'm not worth something. My honest friends are the closest to my heart, because they have the courage and they are not scared to tell me what they really think of me, also because I tend to believe that they don't say shit about me behind my back, since they get the chance to talk to me personally. Having honest friends is one of the biggest gifts God can give you.
So, I see you asking about my smile and about my positive vibe. No, I don't fake smiling and I'm not trying to lie to anyone. I do really smile a lot because I'm happy and I do really think that life is beautiful and that we need more positive vibe, love, laughter and acceptance, but I'm not perfect. One cannot be positive all the time, but what one can do is be positive most of the time, which is what I've done, and if you ask me, I'm very proud of myself.
I'm not writing this blog post to make excuses and I'm not going to talk about the good things in me. I'm writing it not only because I'm trying to regard a lot of things from the perspective of others but because I'm trying to encourage myself as well as others to be open about our flaws. No need to be embarrassed, we are not perfect, no need to pretend that we are. I will be completely honest, it's not easy, and so far the improvement I see in my personality is very little.. but again I'm trying which is obviously a positive thing. And I definitely think that we start being better people when we understand ourselves, when we see our mistakes and our flaws and when we get introduced to our strengths.
And to the two people who talked to me today, and perhaps didn't get a positive attitude in return, S.K. and I.K. you guys make me look good, even if you think that I'm pissed off. You are doing a super job, thank you, you are truly appreciated :)
5/01/2012
Questions
What is death?
How does it happen?
Why does it happen?
Do people who are about to die know that they are about to die?
Do people who are dying know that they are dying? Do they try to stay alive?
Do we only die when we give up?
Does dying hurt?
Do souls feel happiness, sadness or anything?
Do souls look at the bodies that belonged to them before and cry?
Can dead people see us? Do they watch us as we cry?
Do they smile and ask us to be okay?
Or do they ask God if they can stay for a few more minutes so that they can be with their beloved ones for the last time?
Or do they just leave and be happy that they are now free?
Do they care about the people left behind?
Do they ask God for mercy and help?
Are they allowed to be around for as long as they want?
Do they hear us when we call them? Can they see the memories we see?
How did it feel like when they died? How did they look like? Can they see angels now?
Do they get to ask angels for favors such as taking good care of their beloved ones?
Are they allowed to pray for the people they left? Does God listen to their prayers?
We will never get to know and maybe it is better that way. But it's always good to know that God is there, listening to our prayers. Pray a lot, pray as much as you can, he will listen and he will help. He will because he loves us.
In the loving memory of M.R., S.N., S.A., A.F., E.D., and R.A may they all rest in peace.
How does it happen?
Why does it happen?
Do people who are about to die know that they are about to die?
Do people who are dying know that they are dying? Do they try to stay alive?
Do we only die when we give up?
Does dying hurt?
Do souls feel happiness, sadness or anything?
Do souls look at the bodies that belonged to them before and cry?
Can dead people see us? Do they watch us as we cry?
Do they smile and ask us to be okay?
Or do they ask God if they can stay for a few more minutes so that they can be with their beloved ones for the last time?
Or do they just leave and be happy that they are now free?
Do they care about the people left behind?
Do they ask God for mercy and help?
Are they allowed to be around for as long as they want?
Do they hear us when we call them? Can they see the memories we see?
How did it feel like when they died? How did they look like? Can they see angels now?
Do they get to ask angels for favors such as taking good care of their beloved ones?
Are they allowed to pray for the people they left? Does God listen to their prayers?
We will never get to know and maybe it is better that way. But it's always good to know that God is there, listening to our prayers. Pray a lot, pray as much as you can, he will listen and he will help. He will because he loves us.
In the loving memory of M.R., S.N., S.A., A.F., E.D., and R.A may they all rest in peace.
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